Mother LOVE


Love. It’s funny how love changes with age. I used to think I knew what love was. It was the comfort and warmth of my parents arms, my brothers letting me play tag with them, our family dog snuggling with me by the fireplace. 
 
Love felt natural and engraved into my everyday. It just happened. It was part of everything. Love felt good. Little did I know, love got so much better. 
 
I feel like love is continually changing – constantly surprising us. Love is what makes you tolerate the stench of a grown man’s hockey gear that has never been washed or see past all the things you would do differently because you’ve never felt as good as you do with the one you love.  It’s a conscience choice to look beyond all the imperfections and love wholely – accepting it all. Love changes into patience and understanding. Even if that means sacrificing a $200 knife because it was used as a screwdriver.
 
With out first baby, I learned it was possible to love a heartbeat. The warmth spreads through your soul over a simple heartbeat. Love becomes more complex. It’s no longer just love in the moment, but love and excitement for ‎what’s to come, for how it’ll change your family. Even when labour ends up in an emergency c-section after an undiagnosed breech baby ( at 10 cm I might add) , it all melts away when those fingers climb up your skin, when their wet hair rests against your chest, when your body that gave life to a baby then feeds that baby! Love can come instantly in that moment and it changes you. Love makes you protective, instinctual and selfless. 
 

The truth is, when the going gets tough – love keeps you strong. It morphs into this power, a strength that, although wavering, prevails! When you add a second baby to the mix and you wake up so often you feel like you could walk into oncoming traffic without knowing, it’s what keeps you from losing your marbles. When 
husbands step in and baby wear all night so you can sleep, or remind you to lean back when breastfeeding,  or when big sisters squish little sisters when they hug them too hard or the gummy smile of the infant you swear is a terrorist warms your heart – that’s love. 
 
It turns out, I know what love is. Love is what keeps me loving.
 
Pamela Vieira is a Birth and Postnatal Doula with THE WOMB. She is also the mother of two beautiful daughters who keep her on her toes and in love.

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